The "I don't want a relationship" guy

In keeping with the general topic of confusing men, confusing male interactions, confusing signals and confused men on the whole, I want to address the very confused man who says stupid, infuriating and hurtful shit like, "I'm really not looking for a relationship right now..."

I can completely understand hearing this the first time I meet a guy - especially if all we're going to get up to is being down to nothing in the clothing department. I completely expect it if we have just met and the general signs I receive are that of a horny caveman with a dick like a rhino's horn and the air of a Fuck God whose favourite hobby is listed as "fellatio" on his online dating profile. I absolutely, definitely and completely expect it from a guy who I have no probable chemistry or commonalities with apart from the fact that we both have penises, they both spurt cum and we're willing to test out the apparatus.

But what about the guy you've dated, who you seem to have a connection with, who makes you laugh because he says things in silly voices and holds your hand in the movie theatre? How are you (and how am I?) supposed to decipher the "I don't want a relationship" line?

The unadulterated fact is that if a guy who I've dated, who I spend nights with, who I kiss in the street and who introduces me to his friends says something like that to me, I'm to assume that all I'm good for is a fuck and good times until someone who he deems hotter and more deserving of his commitment comes along.

And with that piece of information, all I can do is scratch my head and wonder, What's wrong with me?

Except nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly fine. I am having an absolutely human (which is code for "normal") reaction to being in the company of a blundering fuck-up who has no idea what he wants.

My real question, though, is how can you date someone consistently over a period of time and then have the balls to disrespect their time, effort and intelligence by saying you don't want a relationship? What in fuck's name have you been doing then? Playing handball? What these fuckers need to do is grow multiple pairs and be honest. It's not that they don't want a relationship. They don't want me. And while that may be an 11 inch dildo-sized pill to swallow, it will be alright. It will hurt, it will be disgusting and I will probably hate you but wouldn't it be helpful for me to know the exact turf I am standing upon? At least with all the information I can make an informed decision and feel completely justified when I say, "Go fuck yourself in your own ass."

So why are men so uptight about being honest? "I don't want to hurt someone's feelings," is what a guy I broached this subject with told me. Ok, so you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But what's next, then? "Well... I just go with the flow." Ok, so you just go with the flow until what? "I don't know."

Oh, well in that case can you point me in the direction of the person who fucking has a shadow of a clue?

I don't care about hurt feelings. Hurt or not, I prefer an honest man who has the courage, wherewithal and insight to know that being truthful about his feelings isn't only respectable. It's right.